Tomsasfem is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, selfish sheep.

Tomsasfem created the Cigar Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomsasfem, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tomsasfem, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tomsasfem's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Tomsasfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Hide from violet goats for they are unholy.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Sheep are not to be trusted.

5. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.