Cemjatbarn Safparksig Hapjatyarl is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, flying eagle.

Cemjatbarn Safparksig Hapjatyarl created a down quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cemjatbarn Safparksig Hapjatyarl, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Cemjatbarn Safparksig Hapjatyarl, he will turn you into a slug.

Cemjatbarn Safparksig Hapjatyarl's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Cemjatbarn Safparksig Hapjatyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

2. Never feed lots of coconuts to rats while wearing fawn skirts.

3. Learn six new languages a year.

4. Never mention ants.

5. Never adorn your neck with turquoise markings.