Kipmipbemquaftanran is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, boastful slug.

Kipmipbemquaftanran created bats nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kipmipbemquaftanran, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kipmipbemquaftanran, she will turn you into a snail.

Kipmipbemquaftanran's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Kipmipbemquaftanran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study ribonucleic acid on holy days.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Hide if six geese approach from the north.

4. Always maintain patience during fasting days.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.