Cutkabcum is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, tranquil pig.

Cutkabcum created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Cutkabcum, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cutkabcum, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Cutkabcum's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Cutkabcum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at wells at midnight.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching aluminium.

3. Erect seven zinc sculptures of Cutkabcum on top of important buildings.

4. Do not wear dresses marked with white.

5. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Cutkabcum in the centre of the settlement.