Nelbumzed is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, moody mole.

Nelbumzed created the Cigar Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nelbumzed, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Nelbumzed, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Nelbumzed's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Nelbumzed's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never wear scarves.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never cross mountains at dusk.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.