Nurlnakjap is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, charitable toad.

Nurlnakjap created tapeworms three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlnakjap, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nurlnakjap, he will turn you into a puffin.

Nurlnakjap's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Nurlnakjap's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all signs.

2. Never remain bowed at midday.

3. Never wear magenta kilts.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always take life seriously.