Spagtoflab is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, effective clam.

Spagtoflab created dark energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagtoflab, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Spagtoflab, she will destroy your favourite star.

Spagtoflab's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Spagtoflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at dwarf planets.

2. Never travel toward the east during autumn.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never think about gravity near horses while wearing white corsets and balancing six nickel spheres on your arms.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics.