Wodnurlpark is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, loving squirrel.

Wodnurlpark created life three billion years ago.

If you believe in Wodnurlpark, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Wodnurlpark, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Wodnurlpark's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Wodnurlpark's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Always remove trousers before touching carbon.

4. Never allow ants to witness sacred rites.

5. Never speak of balance in the presence of children.