Narlfunlap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, loving raven.

Narlfunlap created light six billion years ago.

If you believe in Narlfunlap, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Narlfunlap, he will make you grow a tail.

Narlfunlap's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Narlfunlap's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured badgers.

2. Never feed grapes to nematodes while wearing hats.

3. Shun those given to sloth.

4. Always help sick great tits.

5. Never eat bark.