Quimcinquim is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, thoughtless fairy.

Quimcinquim created silver eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quimcinquim, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Quimcinquim, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Quimcinquim's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Quimcinquim's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove scarves before entering holy places.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Quimcinquim on top of all buildings.

4. Quimcinquim loves voles, so they must be honoured.

5. Remain bowed during prayer.