Lopwonhin Vonfabtof is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, annoying hyena.

Lopwonhin Vonfabtof created Asia six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopwonhin Vonfabtof, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lopwonhin Vonfabtof, he will not invite you to parties.

Lopwonhin Vonfabtof's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Lopwonhin Vonfabtof's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss bacteria in public assemblies.

2. Do not place corn upon stone.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not wear rings marked with red.

5. Never eat bark.