Gepfitken is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, smart ferret.

Gepfitken created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gepfitken, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gepfitken, he will turn you into a goat.

Gepfitken's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Gepfitken's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Gepfitken.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never handle lead while unclean.

4. Never gather seven whales in one place.

5. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.