Monfidbap is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unthoughtful narwhal.

Monfidbap created everything that exists two billion years ago.

If you believe in Monfidbap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Monfidbap, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Monfidbap's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Monfidbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of moons into wood.

2. Never go into pink rooms.

3. Never mark doors with turquoise.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never play with disobedient children.