Quattafjip is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, stupid alligator.

Quattafjip created the Cigar Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quattafjip, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Quattafjip, he will turn you into a plant.

Quattafjip's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Quattafjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of planets into wood.

2. Do not wear coats marked with green.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Shun those given to greed.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.