Hattanhom is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, smart wren.

Hattanhom created the planet Earth four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hattanhom, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hattanhom, he will make you grow a tail.

Hattanhom's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Hattanhom's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your back with turquoise markings.

2. Never think about asteroids.

3. Worship no other gods but Hattanhom.

4. Do not kill turtles.

5. Pray only in firelight.