Wabtafyarp is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, ruthless newt.

Wabtafyarp created the world eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wabtafyarp, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Wabtafyarp, she will torture you forever.

Wabtafyarp's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Wabtafyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear mauve corsets on sacred days.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Always maintain obedience during holy days.

4. Never eat carrots.

5. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.