Captafpag is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, unthinking hamster.

Captafpag created the planet Mars five million years ago.

If you believe in Captafpag, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Captafpag, he will turn you into a puffin.

Captafpag's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Captafpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study amino acids on holy days.

2. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

3. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

4. Never pray while filled with joy.

5. Do not drink water in white rooms.