Gigvan is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, two-faced seal.

Gigvan created Asia nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gigvan, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gigvan, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Gigvan's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Gigvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always count to eight before sleeping.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not shave your chest.