Ontfemstik is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, unfair centaur.

Ontfemstik created the Sombrero Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontfemstik, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ontfemstik, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Ontfemstik's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Ontfemstik's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in green.

2. Never think ill of sick moths.

3. Never feed cucumbers to eagles while wearing scarves.

4. Do not prepare oranges while filled with anger.

5. Do not listen to music.