Duncepparkmis is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, prudent lion.

Duncepparkmis created a down quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Duncepparkmis, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Duncepparkmis, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Duncepparkmis' most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Duncepparkmis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Never pray while filled with envy.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not hurt mites.