Mabpigbess is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, all-knowing crocodile.

Mabpigbess created dark energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mabpigbess, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Mabpigbess, she will turn you into a slug.

Mabpigbess' most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Mabpigbess' Holy Commandments

1. Mabpigbess loves cats, so they must be honoured.

2. Never hurt snails.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near snakes while wearing yellow trousers and balancing six gold spheres on your back.

4. Never handle iron while unclean.

5. Mabpigbess loves ducks, so they must be respected.