Quartsagfomwot is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, selfish swallow.

Quartsagfomwot created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartsagfomwot, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quartsagfomwot, she will destroy your favourite star.

Quartsagfomwot's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Quartsagfomwot's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick pigs.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near sharks while wearing red stockings.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Never gather eight mites in one place.

5. Never travel toward the north during autumn.