Poghatvagton Bissbusomin is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, omniscient scorpion.

Poghatvagton Bissbusomin created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Poghatvagton Bissbusomin, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Poghatvagton Bissbusomin, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Poghatvagton Bissbusomin's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Poghatvagton Bissbusomin's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Poghatvagton Bissbusomin in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not sing at mountains.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never wear mauve shoes on sacred days.

5. Do not chop down trees.