Bifparkfot is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, wise jackal.

Bifparkfot created a quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifparkfot, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bifparkfot, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Bifparkfot's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Bifparkfot's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Retreat if five porpoises approach from the east.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.