Nibkimdim is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, benevolent narwhal.

Nibkimdim created a photon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nibkimdim, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Nibkimdim, he will refuse to believe in you.

Nibkimdim's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Nibkimdim's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain hats during rituals.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never feed corn to foxes while wearing shoes.

5. Always count to eight before sleeping.