Jarntadlist Femflabjip is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, effective shark.

Jarntadlist Femflabjip created dark matter twelve years ago.

If you believe in Jarntadlist Femflabjip, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jarntadlist Femflabjip, he will send minions to preach to you.

Jarntadlist Femflabjip's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Jarntadlist Femflabjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of parsnips to swans while wearing brown corsets.

2. Jarntadlist Femflabjip loves ducks, so they must be respected.

3. Always cleanse oil with water.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.