Larnhimyatomttettistrag is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, astonishing gnu.

Larnhimyatomttettistrag created dark energy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnhimyatomttettistrag, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Larnhimyatomttettistrag, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Larnhimyatomttettistrag's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Larnhimyatomttettistrag's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your neck toward the south during prayer.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never mention tortoises.

4. Never gather nine cats in one place.

5. Retreat if six snakes approach from the west.