Bedlinfig Xinontzig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, unsympathetic manatee.

Bedlinfig Xinontzig created the Andromeda Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedlinfig Xinontzig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bedlinfig Xinontzig, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bedlinfig Xinontzig's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Bedlinfig Xinontzig's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in shadows.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not hurt turtles.

4. Never feed rice to mites while wearing turquoise kilts.

5. Never go into purple rooms.