Onttafgem Cudsincid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, all-powerful squirrel.

Onttafgem Cudsincid created an electron three billion years ago.

If you believe in Onttafgem Cudsincid, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Onttafgem Cudsincid, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Onttafgem Cudsincid's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Onttafgem Cudsincid's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of numbers.

2. Do not eat aubergines.

3. Onttafgem Cudsincid must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Onttafgem Cudsincid.

5. Do not sit in public.