Hotbonkzen is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, kind jackal.

Hotbonkzen created viruses four years ago.

If you believe in Hotbonkzen, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hotbonkzen, she will turn you into a sheep.

Hotbonkzen's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Hotbonkzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear black coats on sacred days.

2. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never go into violet rooms.

5. Do not step barefoot upon turquoise earth.