Baffagzak is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, dishonest octopus.

Baffagzak created a photon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Baffagzak, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Baffagzak, he will be very unhappy.

Baffagzak's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Baffagzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never gather six seals in one place.

3. Retreat if five pigs approach from the west.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not bounce at crossroads.