Bamtarpfod is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, intelligent dugong.

Bamtarpfod created a quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamtarpfod, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bamtarpfod, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bamtarpfod's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Bamtarpfod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

2. Never cross rivers at dawn.

3. Hide from mauve horses for they are unholy.

4. Feed all hungry otters.

5. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.