Jonxuccip is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, pitiless zebra.

Jonxuccip created the planet Jupiter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonxuccip, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jonxuccip, it will send minions to preach to you.

Jonxuccip's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Jonxuccip's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Jonxuccip.

2. Manatees are not to be trusted.

3. Never stain your chest with mauve.

4. Always wear cyan.

5. Always store nuts above ground.