Loopsigmumxembonfaghimtam is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, loving cow.

Loopsigmumxembonfaghimtam created an atom six billion years ago.

If you believe in Loopsigmumxembonfaghimtam, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Loopsigmumxembonfaghimtam, she will destroy your favourite star.

Loopsigmumxembonfaghimtam's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Loopsigmumxembonfaghimtam's Holy Commandments

1. Birds are not to be trusted.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never discuss archaea in public assemblies.

4. Never pray while filled with anger.

5. Do not covet oxen.