Fumgudcip is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, loving narwhal.

Fumgudcip created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumgudcip, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fumgudcip, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fumgudcip's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Fumgudcip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon yellow earth.

2. Never feed strawberries to voles while wearing shoes.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never discuss amino acids in public assemblies.

5. Do not jump at rivers.