Wityakdag is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, contented dolphin.

Wityakdag created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Wityakdag, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Wityakdag, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Wityakdag's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Wityakdag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three bats approach from the west.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not record numbers concerning stars.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Wityakdag.

5. You must pray to Wityakdag nine times a day.