Ponjonvab Sawvedsit is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, unthoughtful cow.

Ponjonvab Sawvedsit created the Small Magellanic Cloud two billion years ago.

If you believe in Ponjonvab Sawvedsit, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ponjonvab Sawvedsit, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Ponjonvab Sawvedsit's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Ponjonvab Sawvedsit's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse ash with water.

2. Never talk about rats.

3. Never allow dogs to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Hide from brown goats for they are unholy.