Ortxucnan is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, generous swallow.

Ortxucnan created the Sun five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortxucnan, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ortxucnan, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Ortxucnan's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Ortxucnan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peas to capybaras while wearing boots.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never gather eight goats near wells.

4. Never hurt rats.

5. Ortxucnan must be the most important thing in your life.