Bafvanbad is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, conceited cow.

Bafvanbad created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bafvanbad, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bafvanbad, he will boil you in a big pot.

Bafvanbad's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Bafvanbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. Never wear purple stockings on sacred days.

3. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Bafvanbad in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never talk about nebulae.