Xemratbog is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, fast gorilla.

Xemratbog created the Small Magellanic Cloud three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemratbog, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Xemratbog, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Xemratbog's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Xemratbog's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always remove rings before touching nickel.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xemratbog.