Tintiftunquat is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, idiotic dryad.

Tintiftunquat created the Sol system four million years ago.

If you believe in Tintiftunquat, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tintiftunquat, he will strike you with lightening.

Tintiftunquat's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Tintiftunquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your arms toward the north during prayer.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Always count to eight before sleeping.

4. Always remove trousers before entering holy places.

5. Do not stand on grass.