Pakcemcim is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, compassionate beaver.

Pakcemcim created Mount Everest four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakcemcim, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pakcemcim, he will turn you into a plant.

Pakcemcim's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Pakcemcim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Shun those given to vanity.

3. Never hurt porpoises.

4. Never feed grapes to seals while wearing scarves.

5. Never write about asteroids.