Goffonbum is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, grumpy alligator.

Goffonbum created the Sol system two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Goffonbum, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Goffonbum, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Goffonbum's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Goffonbum's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Goffonbum.

2. Pray only in darkness.

3. Do not speak about figs.

4. Never laugh in the presence of elders.

5. Erect a giant gray sculpture of Goffonbum in the centre of the settlement.