Dapgupsaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, ill-tempered tapir.

Dapgupsaf created the universe six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapgupsaf, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dapgupsaf, it will turn you into a hamster.

Dapgupsaf's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Dapgupsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never wear indigo coats on sacred days.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near bats while wearing pink scarves and balancing nine titanium spheres on your hands.