Nullxucmat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, intelligent gorilla.

Nullxucmat created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nullxucmat, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nullxucmat, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Nullxucmat's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Nullxucmat's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always maintain purity during days of mourning.

4. Never write about nebulae.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.