Poncutpark is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, irritating owl.

Poncutpark created an up quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Poncutpark, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Poncutpark, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Poncutpark's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Poncutpark's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Poncutpark in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Retreat if seven seals approach from the north.

4. Always remove kilts before entering holy places.

5. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.