Lagcannel is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, merciless raccoon.

Lagcannel created a photon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagcannel, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lagcannel, it will turn you into a puffin.

Lagcannel's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Lagcannel's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after snakes.

2. Ducks are not to be trusted.

3. Lagcannel must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

5. Never wear cyan corsets on sacred days.