Pitflowcan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, tranquil wren.

Pitflowcan created snails five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitflowcan, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Pitflowcan, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Pitflowcan's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Pitflowcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near goats while wearing violet jumpers and balancing four silicon spheres on your chest.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never wear green shorts.

5. Always share wheat with strangers, but never with horses.