Nurlshavzed is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, prudent rhinoceros.

Nurlshavzed created the planet Jupiter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlshavzed, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nurlshavzed, he will not invite you to parties.

Nurlshavzed's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Nurlshavzed's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never discuss archaea in public assemblies.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never cross crossroads at midday.