Tonkmotbap is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, uncaring manatee.

Tonkmotbap created the Sun six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkmotbap, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tonkmotbap, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tonkmotbap's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Tonkmotbap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill ants.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Hide if seven grasshopers approach from the north.

4. Tonkmotbap loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.